Privacy

is it just me or do people... well ok, women- since I haven't actually been in the men's room more than a few times- like to choose the stall next to one already occupied?
When I go to the bathroom I like some privacy. I like to choose the stall furthest away from any other party occupying a stall. This is not the case with other women. I even go so far as to pick the one with an actual wall so I am not surrounded with occupied stalls on each side. I'm just sayin- when I pee or God for bid take a shit, the last thing I want is people next to me. but EVERY bloody time I use a public restroom a women comes in and chooses the stall RIGHT next to mine even when there are 6 other empty stalls available. I just don't get it.
Let me void my bladder and bowles in peace please. Shove off and give me some fucking privacy.
Jeeeez
Amber out.

Hello Sexual Frustration

Have you ever wanted someone so bad that you can't stop thinking about jumping them? Well, I can recall this feeling- with someone I barely knew- but I felt so drawn to him I wanted to straddle him- my fear of rejection kept me from making a move and probably kept me from the best relationship of my life. But what the fuck ever.
Anyway, There is this sexy sexy guy- he's got these dimples that just make my heart flutter... and he's mysterious, goofy and oh so in need of my mother theresa syndrome:) I want to do naughty things to him in public places. But I can not... I do not know him and that would blow up in my face. I know it would. But gaawwwwwd is it hard to be good. I want to say dirty things to him and ravage him. I'm dying here. DYING!
Cruel trick of the world is that there are so many reasons my attraction to him is wrong.
Damn it. I'm broken.
Amber out.

Hold your fucking horses

Has anyone seen the scene from Dumb and Dumber where Jim Carry aka Lloyd Christmas ends up making out with Mary in a dream sequince and covers her mouth with his?
Well, that is what happend to me Saturday night and Monday night.
I went out on a date with this guy named Josh. He's pretty cute, sweet, nerdy, makes money, has a job, nice car and owns a house. We got along great! Had great conversation. Or so I thought.
Well Saturday night was our first date. We met for a glass of wine and we had a bottle between the both of us as well as an additional glass of wine. Then we went to sushi and then to a movie. So I thought it was going pretty well. Then in the theater I laid my hand near his to see if he wanted to make a move and he did. He held my hand for a total of 2 mins, then proceeded to grab my face and maul it!!!!! I don't mind a good make out session... but firstly- learn when to and when NOT to use your tongue. Secondly- know how much of it to use... If you can feel my tounsils with it... your too far in my mouth! Thirdly- maybe ease into, yeah? Instead of just automatically figuring it's ok to make out with me and suggest lude acts in a theatre- possibly wait for a sign that I'd be into you like that.
SHEESH!
Well, I gave him the benefit of the doubt I thought he might be a nerd who hasn't had too much action in his life and he was awkwardly trying to figure out how to make a move. Despite the fact he grabbed the front of my neck and kinda freaked me out.
As you can tell from my previous post about the white van... I have read entirely too many serial killer profiles and any "odd" behavior sends my brain into overactive.
Anyway, He asked me to his house- I said yes at first because a night in sounded good but then after further thought I decided not to let myself go to a man's house I barely know and possibly get rapped or murdered.
So he agreed to meet me for dinner. We had a lovely dinner, I saw again why I kinda dug him on saturday... good converstation and a sweet smile. Then we went to my house to watch a movie.
Firstly- He didn't like the movie and it's a good film. But I didn't hold that against him... secondly he didn't watch the movie because he was too into mauling me yet again. Dude!!!!!!! He got on top of me, pulled me on top of him, slammed his teeth into my lip, nipped at my chest and ended up leaving me with bruises all over!!! Too rough man.
Don't get me wrong, I like my hair pulled as much as the next girl. I like someone to want to ravage me... but not on the first and second date. Sigh
I was really dissapointed. I kinda like him but I doubt he'll call... He was pretty dissapointed that I would sleep with him... even after I made it clear I wouldn't.
I'm so sick of heterosexual males. They all just want to fuck me and can't stand me otherwise and people don't know why I have low self esteme? Gee, lemme think.
Amber out.

question

Why are men such pussys when it comes to women?
They can't tell a girl they aren't interested or they are just something to cum in... which is true most of the time. They have to lead them on like they give a shit.
Man up and tell us what you are really thinking. Is it because if you speak your mind you know no woman would want you? Then be gay... just be fucking honest. This "sparing my feelings" bullshit is so fucking irritating. I'm done being treated like I'll break or go crazy because of the truth. Maybe if men stopped being such sneaky, stupid, sugar coating, elusive BASTARDS... women wouldn't be crazy. Just a thought. Even when I'm honest a man can't be honest with me.
Men- I know that you think about other women all the time. You fantasize, you look and you masterbate to porn. It is what it is. You either want to be with the chick or you don't want to be with the chick. Either she's worth your time or she's not.
There are exceptions to the rules... but those are FEW and FAR between. Just except that women hate it and they have to realize it is what it is and either women will wake up and not have such unrealistic expectations or the volume of gays and lesbians will increase. I vote number two.

Dear Prince Charming

Fuck you!
You are a fairytale that makes little girls think that one day they will find you. You do not exsist and honestly I don't know how anyone came up with you..... you are the exact opposite of a real man.
You and your chick flicks can go to hell.
Amen
Amber out.

For My soulmate... Dusty- even though he's no longer on here.:)

When I was in Scotland, Edinburgh to be more precise. I was walking down the street with a friend of mine. I was 21 and she was 14 at the time. We were just seeing the sights and soaking in all that Edinburgh had to offer. I myself have a huge affinity for Scottish accents. It's a sickness really, and my ears were always alert just waiting to absorb that sugar straight to my ear drums making my heart flutter.
As we were walking a man came out of a building. He looked at his parked car that had clearly been hit by someone or something and said "Oh for fuck saaake!" I started to giggle uncontrollably because it is a stereotype that Scottish people have foul mouths and I thought this experience PERFECT, being a tourist. My friend, being English and therefor not on good terms with the Scottish(you'd think this hundereds of years old feud would be over, but people just don't get over being conqured) hit my arm and said "Shut-up... your going to get us killed."
Then from a few feet away(we were still walking) I heard this man say "Those fucking BASTARDS!" and I lost it.... I laughed a hardy laugh that probably would have included a snort if I had one. The man then looked at us. My friend was now beating my arm furiously with fear in her eyes.
The man, with an angry scowl, then said "What the fuck are YOU laugh'n at PIGGAY!"
Reason or the sheer will to survive should have kicked in at that time... but it only made it that much more funny! I burst into hysterical laughter.. tears streaming down my face, doubled over holding my stomach. My friend was now walking faster and trying to pull me along, pissed at me because I was going to get us shanked.
He then jumped in his car and backed up to us walking on the sidewalk. I did pull it together at this point and stopped laughing but I'm sure I still had a look of delight slapped all over my "chevy chase". He rolled down his window, Natalie(my friend) winced, probably thinking he was going to pull out a gun on us and he calmly said..."I'm really sorry aboot that. I was just really passed off! Some bastards hit my car."
I just nodded politely and said "No worries!" and he drove off.
This was one of the most memorable parts of my trip. Don't get me wrong- I had plenty of awesome memories and great experiences- but that was STELLAR!
Amber out.

White Pannel Van

Today I was in training for work.

They showed us a live call... it was somone calling in a claim for damage to their vehicle. It was a commercial policy- which means it was a vehicle owned by a company. It was an ecoline van.

• My first thought went to- serial killer van.

The person continued the call... asking about the damage to the vehicle.

• My second thought was- "hmmmm, I'll bet you it is damage from some poor girl who kicked the van while he was shoving her in it."

Then the caller said that the location the damage happened at was a storage facility.

• My third thought was-"OH! So that's the guy's game. He had already kidnapped her, thought she was dead and went to the storage unit to store the body. She ended up still alive- making a break for it- causing damage to the van! Wow, he's doing this on company time." (the last part of my thought process is sick..... but true)

I then siquentialy thought back to my days of working in old downtown Spokane on Sprague avenue. I thought about the hookers there that were picked up and murdered by Yates(for those not familiar- a serial killer in spokane wa). And that was before I ever worked there.. but I remember a Senske truck- a commercial vehicle- picking up hookers. ON COMPANY TIME!! I then realized that this whole warpped, made up, train of thought, was a completely feasible scenario.....

I realized that in the span of a 10 minute claim, I had thought through at least two movies depicting serial killing IE Silence of the Lambs and The Vanishing. I had thought of at least 3 serial killers who's profiles had affirmed my thoughts were "logical"... IE Robert Yates, Ted Bundy and The Green River Killer. Then I realized that all of these serial killers were indeed from the Inland Northwest and this particular insurance carrier is only offered in the Inland Northwest.

Case and point- This particular carrier should offer Serial Killer Coverage.

Who is looking out for these poor guys? Sure the victims have all these support groups and foundations... but who's making sure the serial killer's lives are looked after?

I mean really- if you are a serial killer the likelyhood of a blood stain on your carpet is pretty darn good-if you are into keeping them for any length of time. So you would have a special endorsement on your homeowners- titled something like "blood stain coverage". This coverage could be applied to anywhere you keep them... a garage, a storage shed, a barn, etc. It doesn't just have to be a home, plus if you know what you are doing you wouldn't have your victims at your home. Am I right Criminal Minds?

Ok, now I'm just freaking my own self out about this.... This is how my brain works. Like some black twisted domino affect.

Anyway......

Amber out.

Dear Milk

You are disgusting. But yet you provide so many things that are delicious!

I can substitute you with soy milk, almond milk... anything really, as far as cereal goes. But I couldn't replace you when making all the delicious cheeses I enjoy. I couldn't use almond milk to make motzerella cheese! That would just be nasty. You are used in so many things... icecream, yogurt, cakes, pasteries.... did I mention CHEESE.

Milk- you are so evil to me. You make me throw up in my mouth if I eat too much of you. I'm allergic to you- yet I can't get enough of you in the forms you take other than your original.

I scoff at you and gagg when you are presented in your true form- but when you are made into the deliciousness called cheese... i can't resist you.

You are like the tomato to some people- some people hate tomatoes.. but they love ketchup. It's like that... yes... it's like that. Only you are far more amazing milk... as much as I hate you... I can not resist you.

Damn you milk. You are fattening, I'm allergic to you and you gave my brother and my neice a sinus infection. You are the Hannibal Lecture of food... You are EVIL but you are charming.

Amber out.

So I'm turning over a new leaf. From now on I'm posting my random thoughts and enlightening my readers... there are none... so this should be very entertaining to ME!

Question to the redneck at walmart-

Why do people feel the need to get in my bubble?

You don't know me.... Is it that I smell nice? Do you want to sniff me? Do I just exude awesome and you want some to rub off on you? I'm just curious, because if your redneck ass gets any closer to me I might feel the need to take the nearest thing(a toothbrush) and stab you with it. I'm browsing a choice in toothpaste... which you clearly don't use. So really, why the HELL are you in this aisle!?

Do I want the whitening? Do I want the trifecta of plack prevention? How about vanilla mint? I don't care- as long as I can get out of this walmart without your herpes infesting me.